You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
