I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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