I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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