in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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