What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
