remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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