how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
