I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
