Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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