Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
