Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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