Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
