She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
