Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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