I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
