My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
