I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It was like getting head from an anaconda
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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