before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I AM VODKA MAN
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
