Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
