I accidentally had phone sex last night
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
