hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
