I met the friendliest cop last night
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
