me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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