It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize