New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
