dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
