Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
