I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
