Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
