What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
