I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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