I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
