I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Send help, water and tortillas.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
