I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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