I heard we made out
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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