Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
