i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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