i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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