p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
