i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize