4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
