My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
