and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
