I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
