Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
