You just made me feel so damn special
If that was your dad, he is hot
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
