I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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