i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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