meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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