thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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