Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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