If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
