he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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