So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize