Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
