Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
