do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize