So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
did you just send me my own nude
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
