After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
