I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
