Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you win again, gameday.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
