Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize