that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
