So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
