i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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