whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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