i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
