Umm I'm too high to move.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
